I was a divorcee…that’s right. I got married in my early twenties to one of my best friends in high school and ya know what it didn’t work-at all. So there I was in my late twenties on the market again. It was scary. I remember looking at people who were divorced and just feeling so sad for them. I knew it would never happen to me. I was going to fight for my marriage. Little did I know it could happen to anyone. Especially when the other person isn’t willing to fight.
As I slowly healed and took one step at a time. I learned a lot. I have now been happily-yes happily married for 7 going on 8 years. Easily surpassing the length of my first marriage.
Wanna know why being a divorcee isn’t such a bad thing?
1. You know what you want- I left a marriage confused and defeated. I took a year off from dating. Did some counseling and discovered exactly what I was looking for. I had been swept up by what I thought I wanted but honestly I didn’t know a lick about marriage. Looking back I truly knew what I wanted in a future marriage. This made it easier to date and look for men who had similar wants and desires.
2. I became realistic-My wishlist in a partner wasn’t a mile long. I knew I wanted someone with the same education level as myself. This gave us the same sort of life experience. I also knew I wanted someone who wanted children. It had to be a yes-because frankly maybe in guy lingo is maybe-I’m saying this so you won’t run but the answer is no.
3. I put fairy-tales aside.-I had that whole oh he loves me-I had been crushing on him the whole time thing. It didn’t work. My husband now will say that it was a blessing I was divorced-he had never been married-because it allowed me to fully understand what a real marriage was like day in and day out. He didn’t need to live up to those fairytale standards. Guess what? I wasn’t going to either.
4. I was independent but knew how to depend on someone-I was fully capable of taking care of myself because well I did. I also knew how to depend on someone in a relationship fully, although it hadn’t worked out I knew the feeling. Women strive for independence and men want to take care of someone. I feel like being divorced gave me insight into this tricky subject.
5. I became the me I liked-Being divorced makes you look at yourself hard. It’s not always pretty. I was able to be alone and decided what I wanted to do with my life apart from someone else. I was able to look at others with empathy in a way I hadn’t before. I began to fully know myself and therefore know what I wanted. I also knew I wasn’t willing to settle for someone who didn’t like me-all me-the real me. Oh and let’s be honest I’m a lot to handle.
If you’re going through divorce I am so so sorry. Regardless of rather you’re glad or sad it’s a difficult time. Not only did I get divorced but I also petitioned the Church for an annulment and three years later received it. Such a weight lifted and so much healing in the process.
Have hope and know there is the complete and utter possibility ahead for greatness and happiness beyond your understanding. Wink Wink-I know. I doubted….but I,like you was never forsaken.
Now go our there and get what you want-happiness….oh and happiness brings in happiness!
All photo credit goes to the amazing Melissa at Snapped with Love Photography